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SATIRE  

The Ballads Olu Gordon Claims Identifies Him
By Shackles'75
Oct 24, 2008, 17:14
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BALLAD TO A SAD MAN

This ballad is in honour of a
Man, a sad man called Orlu, son of a
Dancer and night nurse.
Both dancer and nurse met but briefly
And without much further encounter were
Blessed with a son they both agreed to name
Orlu. And so did Orlu grow up with dad
Famed for dancing while
Mom the night nurse eked a living in
Ogaland with another man.
And the boy Orlu grew up knowing neither
Mom nor dad.
The grandma that undertook the
Burden knew neither peace nor happiness
For young Orlu’s daily bed–wetting and other
Vices sent her mad. Really mad she went!
Grandma not strong enough, dancing
Dad having taken to booze and an early
End and mom in faraway Ogaland, the
Boy Orlu turned to grass and to booze.
With education on the Mount of Aureol
And brief sojourn in Ogaland, the boy became a
Man but not without his vices. Booted therefore
He was from the Aureol Mount and came down with a
Thud, and vowed till death to do no man honour
For he with no honour was brought to earth.
Retribution it was said followed him
Everywhere he went till he came
Knocking at the door of Saul who later
Became Paul.
Before his baptism Paul who was Saul
Taught the man Orlu what life really was.
Doling out only two thousand Leones a day
To the suffering Orlu, the man Orlu came
To the eating-house of a pious man.
The pious man dished out food to Orlu free,
And when he had his bowels filled the son of
The dancer asked for booze to which the
Pious man said no.
Lo and behold, Orlu had a razor-sharp tongue
From which the pious man was poured with
Venom.
Halting his anger the pious man
Ignored Orlu but Orlu went on and
Scratched the Pious man’s neck.
Suspending all piety the pious man in a fit
Threw a blow that sent Orlu to the floor.
Lifeless he lay like a log and watchers
Thought he had expired.
But before long came a volcanic eruption from
His posterior and watchers burst into laughter,
Holding their noses and breath from the
Foul flow of lava that had started
Snaking from his behind.
Not long after, his bladder slackened,
Wetting the floor like torrents from September rains.
"What a shame, what a shame," the
Crowd murmured as the lifeless lump of
Orlu lay shamelessly on the floor.
"Drink nor good, grass nor good," said a
Voice. A second voice said
"Sweh nor good, halaki nor good. Nar sweh dis Man ya get"
And the chorus erupted
"Orlu nar sweh porsin. Nar grass en rum dae pwell am so".
After a long silence, a lone voice said,
"Nar so im daddy take die, pan drink en Kalo kalo".


                                                     BALLAD TO THE DIRTIEST MAN


This prose-poem is dedicated to the dirtiest man in town.

The Freetown he has soiled with verbiage

The town he literarily has littered with his phlegm

The Freetown his putrefaction punctuates - Odd

Days his bald white scrappy piece rears its hydra head

Cursing men and women fit to be his parents

But… Amazing of Amazement… this

Vermin thinks he is adored. Not

Knowing his oddity stinks like sulphur

Producing putrid smell like the smell of his body's liquid waste

Which folklore says he drinks when gin is in short supply

 

Backwards Backwards, let us reflect. Let us

Be rewinding into yester years…

Protruding Scarlet with umbilical bruises around his neck,

the Baby-boy gasped and was retrieved from certain death

But not from that incident’s scars years

 

And years later as that lack of blood flow to baby

Boy’s Brain and swallowing of Filth into Baby Boy’s

Gasping Mouth led to consequential Brain Damage

Demented Brain Damage that was to

Haunt a whole nation where Baby boy grew up to exist

 

Back in yester years as he lay

hopelessly helplessly the cord was finally broken

And decision was taken to name the unfortunate infant

as custom demanded so it

Was decided that the unfortunate boy be named

And reason prevailed he be called either

"Oh The Dirtiest!" in English or "Ee Dorty Oh!" in Krio

After the dirty manner of his birth

 

And so Baby Boy Grew… But not before

Demented Brain gave

Rise to a demented personality Personality

Which haunted him everywhere he landed which

In his Adolescence and manhood caused bad habits which

Included Substance Taking and Bed Wetting

 

Many mattresses his latter bad habit has spoilt

Drenching them with the nightly out-pouring of his bladder

Out! Out!! Get Out! Get Out!!! Just Get the Heck Out!!

You Filthy, Wretched Pis-A-Bedie Baby Boy! Get Out!

Landlords would regularly holler the above as Ee Dorty Oh

Is kicked out from place to place Stadiums

And Brothels notwithstanding, he still was

Kicked out, Out! Right out!

 

Before his decadent bad habits destroyed their labours

And before he desecrates them in his primitive spoof!!!


© Copyright by Awareness Times Newspaper in Freetown, Sierra Leone.

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