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17 Garrison Street,
Freetown,
Sierra Leone.
Tel: +232-77-772001
Tel: +232-88-321000
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SATIRE  

An Afflicted Cow FookFook Brain Manufactures Ronshos, Diamba, Gnomes, Rubber-Fack & Leprechauns; Desires to Import Machiavelli into a Democracy
By California Poet
May 9, 2009, 17:17
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The Editor of Backward Times newspaper has had his human brains replaced with Cow FookFook. He says this was done by some very dangerous and evil mythical animals. Accordingly, Backward Times explains that the power of the Cow FookFook in their Editors head has helped him greatly in seeing things that those who claim to be intelligent dont see. He argues that those who eat Cow FookFook should stop because this is his brain replacement and has helped him greatly in the world of journalism.

 

Using his Cow FookFook brains, Backward Times publishes that events of 2007 seem to be rearing their ugly heads again. He insists, contrary to all empirical evidence, that his brain recalls that violence permeated voting in Kailahun, Kenema and Bo. He goes further to say what happened in Kambia was not violence but was actually a wonderful tea party where Hon. Alimamy P. Koromas thugs stripped Rtd. Major Marray-Conteh naked just for being the opposition candidate.

 

Also, Backward Times says that in Port Loko district, Hon Komboh Kamara of APC showed brotherly love to his opponent by locking him in the boot of his car. In Kabala, he reveals from his Cow Fookfook brains that very nice APC supporters advised family members of the SLPP candidate that the town is too small so they needed to find another town to live so as to protect the environment. Following which advise, they promptly burnt down all their homes. They replicated the same advice and arson in Kambia.

 

After the elections in 2007, Backward Times insists that all what the APC party did on September 17th 2007 was to pay a courtesy visit to the SLPP headquarters in Freetown. Since SLPP supporters were not there, the APC helped themselves to valuables in the opposition party office. They said they were taking them for safe keeping.

 

Now, the latest revelations from Backward Times states that the SLPP is planning to follow in the footsteps of the APC but that this time, the destruction will be massive. The following is an extract from a recent edition of Backward Times which is edited by Mr. Cow Fookfook Brains:


Freetown, BACKWARD TIMES (May 7th & 8th 2009): Recent documentary evidence in my possession reveal that gnomes, ronshos and leprechauns, seven of whom were members of Snow Whites band of Seven Dwarfs, have written a letter to SLPPs John Benjamin demanding Diamba, Garri and Tricycles to prepare them for a massive attack on election day. In addition to these things asked for, the Leprechauns & Ronshos also asked for Rubber-Fack and Orinch-Kanda which they intend to use as missiles. These weapons are very dangerous and they could cause instant death to anyone who is rubber-facked. The letter also stated that Sorie Thunku and Boi have joined the group. There are also plans to recruit Wan-Foot-Jumpie, Mammy-Wata, Kasila and Janet Bundle.

When press men asked JOB, the Chairman of SLPP about the issue, he said this is the APCs attempt to smear the good name of SLPP. JOB pointed out that these creatures dont exist. Well my newspaper Backward Times dont find that explanation convincing. The editor of my paper, Backward Times claims to have incontrovertible evidence that Gnomes, Leprechauns, Mammy-Wata, Kasila, Janet-Bundle and Wan-Foot-Jumpie all exist. He swore he recognized the handwriting of Ronsho who uses a magic pen.

According to my editor, Ronsho would scribble utter nonsense on a piece of paper and then put it under his pillow at night. In the morning, all the nonsense would have then made sense. This, the editor of Backward Times swore he recognized in the letter he received. We at Backward Times newspaper are investigative journalists and we always keep our eyes open for these subversive creatures.

The dismissive attitude of JOB about the allegations did not go down well with some members of the public especially those who congregate at the red and white building on Old Railway Line. They claim his attitude is part of a diabolical plan to use Gnomes, Leprechauns, Kasila, Ronshos, Mammy-Wata and others to destabilize the nation.

A Major in the Sierra Leone army swore that they would leave no stone unturned to stop these plans. In fact, since Ronsho always lives among banana trees, my editor of Backward Times suggested to the Major to cut down all banana trees in the country and all water ways must be guarded 24/7 to stop Kasila from coming to town. All old women carrying bundles should be stopped and searched and the night patrol should look out for and arrest any one missing one leg (ha borbor na arrest open so!).

The Cow Fookfook editor of Backward Times further advised that Lamina Poyo should import Machiavelli immediately into Sierra Leone. He said if SLPP can import Gnomes and Leprechauns from Ireland, Lamina Poyo should also import Machiavelli from Italy. Machiavelli like Kasila, Ronsho, Janet-Bundle and others are feared and not loved that is why, according to Mr. Cow Fookfook Brained Editor, their legends have survived. So if Lamina Poyo wants to survive, he has to be like them: FEARED!

The editor also claims that these characters the SLPP intends to use are very bad characters. As stated above, the editor of Backward Times claims that these characters have replaced his brain with cow fookfook. As a matter of fact, the editor has encouraged those working for him and others associated with him like the Torchlight without batteries, to appeal to Leprechauns to immediately replace their human brains also with Cow fookfook.

Whatever the case, the Editor says Lamina Poyo should deploy a full force of Machiavellian trained operatives all over Sierra Leone to look for Gnomes, Ronshos, Mammy-Watas, Leprechauns, Janet Bundles, Wan Foot Jumpies, Kasila and others. According to the Fookfook inside his head, the Editor believes that Sierra Leone must at all times remain vigilant against these enemies of the state particularly the Seven Dwarfs of Snow White.


© Copyright by Awareness Times Newspaper in Freetown, Sierra Leone.

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