This has got to be my worst Xmas celebrations ever! As planned, I went to my boyfriendís house at about 10.00pm on the 25th so that we could go clubbing later on. On getting there, I met both him and a girl naked on the bed. They were so engrossed in what they were doing that they didnít even hear me come in. Only my gasp of shock alerted them. I simply went back to my house in tears and to this day he has not come after me. Iíve made up my mind to leave him but please advise me.
Itís a shame that you had a rotten Xmas but take heart. The fact that you had both planned on spending the evening together speaks of his action as deliberate and a further proof of this is his inability to even explain his behavior. Itís up to you to make up your mind about staying on because what I suspect is that you still harbor feelings for him but Iíd advise you to move as this incident is likely to be a precedent to others if you decide to stay in the relationship. Keep me posted.
I recently found out that my boyfriend of 5yrs was going out with my best friend before he met me. Both did not bother to tell me about this. I only found out over the holidays at a party which we invited her to. I caught them necking on the stairs and the awkwardness of the situation forced her to blur out the whole story. She even went as far as explaining how they had been carrying on behind my back. My boyfriend is begging me to take him back but he doesnít seem to want to let go of her. Iíve given him the ultimatum of it being either me or her. I still love him but Iím confused.
It would seem that those close to you are rather deceitful. If indeed they had ended their relationship on a clean note then I see no reason why you werenít told of it. The one you call your best friend is not fit to be called so. Iíd advise you to "chill out" and try to recollect your thoughts. If you still love him and decide to take him back, then give him a chance to explain himself. You must stress to him of the importance of being honest in his relationship with not only you, but other people. If your decision is otherwise, forget about him and move on.
I am in deep trouble! What else do you call getting three women pregnant at the same time! The first one has sorted herself out by telling her boyfriend that itís his. The other two are secondary school girls. Both are not far gone (a month) and Iím gearing them up for an abortion. However, Iíve not being paid and I donít know where to get the money from. Please help.
Dear Troubled Lover,
Your seemingly insurmountable problems are brought on by no one but yourself. This is the age where condom use is very common and goes for affordable prices. You might say neither you nor your girlfriends favour it but have you thought about sexually transmitted diseases? Promiscuity is one way how these are brought about. In this era of AIDS it is not advisable for you to have more than one partner. This is for a number of reasons including the predicament in which you find yourself. As for the two girls, abortion is advisable if they have a desire to continue with their schooling. This is also taking into consideration the fact that their pregnancies are in their early stages. If they have accommodating parents and guardians then they can have their children and continue school. Are you prepared for that? Please keep me posted.
Thanks for advising me. I wrote to you two months ago about having two girlfriends and your advice given was put in to action. I am pleased to tell you that I am now a one womanís man and Iíve vowed never to put myself through such emotional stress.
Dear Mr. Lover,
Iím really happy to have made a difference in your love life. Please keep up to your resolution.
Whatís wrong with me? I have all the qualities that ladies are looking for in a man and for which I am sometimes called the ladiesí man. My problem is, all relationships that Iíve embarked on so far have failed and it keeps me wondering what I could be doing wrong. This has made me cautious with women and for the past five months Iíve been single with no intention of starting a relationship soon.
Maybe your problem stems out from the fact that you think youíre the perfect ladiesí man. No one can be perfect. No matter how much you give in a relationship, if you do not communicate with your partner then your efforts are wasted. Itís important that you know what your partner expects of you. I agree with your decision to lie low for a while. This will help you identify the kind of woman that suits your taste. That could be your problem; not going out with someone of your taste, class, background etc. Try to be yourself. Work on improving your self-esteem. Donít be worried, when you meet the right woman, your heart will tell you so.
About a month ago, my boyfriend whom I was living with asked me to go back to my parents due to the loss of his job. Even though I wanted to stay, I complied to his wishes. After that, he only visited my home twice. When I did not see him for two weeks, I decided to check on him one morning. We both met on the path to his house, he was with a lady whom it was apparent had spent the night at his house and was seeing her off. On my attempt to speak to him, he ignored me. On my second attempt, he slapped me and gave me a merciless beating after which he continued on his way. My parents are livid and are on the verge of pressing charges but I donít want that for he has been of great help to us in the past.
Dear Ms Dilemma,
A man who beats a woman is nothing but fool. He simply took advantage of you because of your sex and other reasons best known to him. You can decide to forgive and forget about him but please do not let his good deeds to you and your family be a barrier against you seeking justice. It is obvious from your explanation that he doesnít want you in his life. Please do not blame yourself for this; he has made his decisions based on reasons known to him. Move on. Meanwhile, try to do something productive with your life.
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Newspaper in Freetown, Sierra Leone.
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